Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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