You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
