she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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