Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
