so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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