Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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