I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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