all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
