Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
