I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
