I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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