I got chris browned last night
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
