I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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