I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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