dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
