some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
