: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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