I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
