i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
