Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
