Your dad touched me again.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
