finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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