Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
