why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Randomize
