I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
