it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
