I met the friendliest cop last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
