you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
