My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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