You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
