Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
