Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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