after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
