New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Two words: nipple clamps
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