What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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