I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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