We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
