Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
