My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dicks are not precious.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize