Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
