Banned from zoo.
Again?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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