a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
