Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
