whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
