did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
