I think im going to throw up on grandma
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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