Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
