last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
