break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
