It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
