We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
