And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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