i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
