Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Couch. On fire.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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