Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
