Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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