Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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