He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
