When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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