thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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