how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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