I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
