Kiss
Puke
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
