Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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