Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
