If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
