I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
