my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
