mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
