It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
