don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
