i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
