My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
