so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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