she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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