I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
