It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
