Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
