then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize