i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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