so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
