I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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