worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
