names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
