I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
