Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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