The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
