I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
