Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
not ubering you a puppy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
