so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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