apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
