I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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