how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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