My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
