Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
