I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
zippers are such a cool invention
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
