i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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