Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize