i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
