ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
