Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
