Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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