Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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