1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
being pregnant is like rehab
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
