so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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