would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
